Letter as a Eulogy
A eulogy or eulogies are an opportunity in a funeral or memorial ceremony for people to speak about the person who has died. Some people find that when they have offered or have been asked to give a eulogy, they feel very honoured to be chosen to speak about their family or friend.
But there can also be a moment of:
Where do I start when writing a eulogy?
What should I say?
How long should a eulogy be?
What memories can I share?
It can make people feel very nervous and perhaps feel as though they’re not up to the task. So, that’s why I wanted to share with you the idea of writing a letter to your loved one and reading it at the funeral or memorial ceremony. I have included some examples of letters written to a wife, a daughter and a best friend which might be able to help you when preparing a letter eulogy.
Writing a letter is a beautiful way to express yourself in the language that you would usually use with your friends or family. Sometimes people worry that a eulogy needs to be about when the person was born, when they died, what they did for work or where they went to school, etc. But as an alternative, the eulogy that you give in honour of your loved one’s life can be in the form of a letter to them. This is a deeply personal approach to giving a eulogy and it also creates space for you to reflect and remember your Mum or Dad or friend as you share stories and memories.
A husbands eulogy letter to his wife
Hi Trace,
I’m sitting here, it’s about 3 in the morning I think… I’ve put this letter off as long as I could. The kids are asleep I think… I know you’ll be upset but we did have pizza last night after a failed attempt on my part to make your potato bake… What is it about potatoes and how long they take to cook? You knew stuff like that without even reading the recipe and you did it while doing ten other things at once. That always baffled me but like I always said to you, ‘You amaze me every day!’
Oh Hon I miss you!
This ache in my heart won’t leave me and you know I don’t want it to cause it’s where you first landed the day I met you. ‘Right here,’ remember I’d say to you and point, ‘you sit right here hon, right here!’ I hate that I’m writing this letter, cause I didn’t want this day to come even though we talked and talked about it I just didn’t want it to come, then in the same thought I wish it was tomorrow already, then today would be yesterday and that would be that.
I’m looking through photos and I found the one that you always said, ‘Look I blinked,’ every time you saw that photo you said the same thing, ‘Look I blinked,’ and you laughed like you had seen it for the first time, it always cracked you up, so yep the kids have included it in your photo reel today.
There is so much I want to say but then I can hear you saying, ‘Get to the point Peter,’ so here we go…
How did we fit a lifetime into 5 days? A lifetime of love and laughter, memories of holidays down the coast every summer, camping trips up north, two crazy car trips to the hospital when the kids were born, the kids love that story! A lifetime of stories of me driving you nuts with my clear inability to listen and you yelling at me cause we always ran late. How did we fit all the stories and moments and songs and our favourite movies into the last 5 days? How did I try to fit everything I needed to say to the person who took my heart and showed me what love actually is into 5 days? You, me and the kids and your Mum and Dad, your sister and brother, my Mum and Dad and your crazy friends, well we gave it our best shot Trace!
I am trying not to be angry that you are gone but god damn it, it’s not right. It’s not right Trace but as the kids reminded me today, ‘Dad, Mum said not to be angry cause that’s just silly. She loved laughing Dad and wants us to keep laughing for her. Every time we are having a good time she will be with us laughing and dancing with us.’ I look at them and all I see is you! Everything you taught them, every expression, every story they tell. Every hug and kiss you gave them has shaped who they are today. You loved being their Mum and everyone knew it.
What is it about your love that showed me that how I loved before wasn’t the full story, it was just a glimpse. What is it about time? Time with you that makes all other time go slow, when the time with you went so damn quick, like a flash.
Trace, love of my life, vault for my truths, I say this to you now and for the rest of my life, Hon you sit right here, right here. I love you, every minute, every moment. Trace, I love you with my whole heart. To say I miss you doesn’t cut it or express the deep longing to see you again, to laugh with you, to hold you, to kiss you and live every day with you.
Love love love to you, your Peter. XOXO
A Mother’s Eulogy letter for her Daughter
Mother: I would love to first share with you this letter from Millie
Dear Mummy,
The park was so much fun Mummy.
Thank you for taking me there and for ice cream.
Love you Mummy
Millie XXX
So, today I thought I would write a letter too.
My beautiful, Mill Mill,
Mummy loves you so much and that day at the park will be the best day of my life, along with the other million moments and days with you. My Millie, you are the light of my life. Like the brightest sunshine ever, ever, ever.
My heart is so full. Full of your light that you shared with me. Millie, the light of the world in your eyes lit up the face of every person you met. Your smile touched the hearts of everyone who had a giggle with you and your stories of dragons and fairies reminded everyone especially the grown-ups to believe in magic again.
I love you like never before, just like the song.
Hearts and hearts and hearts.
Mummy XOXOX
A father’s letter to his Daughter
My Darling Silly Milly,
This is a drawing of you and me trying to put up that tent, remember when we went to the beach. There’s you and me trying to put it up with Mummy holding all the bags. There’s the water and the beach ball and all of your buckets and spades.
And there’s you saying to me ‘C’mom Daddy let’s just go swimming’ with your hands on your hips. So here’s you and me swimming.
Millie you are the song in my heart, you are the light of my life, you are my greatest blessing. Daddy misses you so much and loves you like all the stars in the sky.
And like Mummy I love you like never before, just like the song.
Love Daddy XOXOX
A girl’s letter to her best friend
Dear Veronica, my dear Very,
You asked me the other day what I was going to say about you and I said I’m going to tell everyone that you could read a book quicker than anyone I had ever known, that you cannot make brownies, that you will wear any shoes as long as they are red, that you always wanted straight hair, that you cannot reverse park and that ok yes, your boyfriend in year 10 was so much cuter than mine.
I’m going to tell them that you think time is a funny thing and that despite all of your efforts your eyes could not hide what you were feeling. I’ll tell them that you are and will always be my most beautiful friend and that when you struggled to find the right thing to say you would find a song that could. I’m going to tell everyone that you tell the best dirty joke and that your mind, given a half a chance, could possess the most wicked, wicked thoughts. I’ll tell them that you are the only one who can get your husband on a dance floor and that on a sunny day in March you bought the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen into the world.
We were 7 when we met. I was at the ice cream shop with my Dad and we saw each other and smiled. ‘Ice cream makes me happy,’ you said to me. I agreed and we both laughed. But then you spilled ice cream all down your favourite dress and your Mum was trying to clean you up. You didn’t look happy anymore so I gave you mine. And that’s how we became friends. Favourite dresses and ice cream were essentials in our life from that moment. I remember the night you rang me crying, like sobbing crying, and all you blubbered out was ice cream… that was the night that That Tony broke up with you… again! Another phone call I made to you (probably blubbering worse) ‘new dress, new dress,’ the afternoon that That Peter broke my heart saying I don’t love you anymore. ‘C’mon,’ you’d say, ‘let’s throw some money at our heartache.’
My Dear Very, isn’t time a funny thing, one minute we are girls eating ice cream, then travelling in our 20’s, then you the blushing bride though not as innocent as you would want people to believe. I remember saying to you, ‘Are you sure you should wear white?’ But if anyone could convince others of your innocence it was you, lucky I know better. There are so many stories for me to share about you but I think the photo reel later will say it better than I ever could.
But I will say this to you my beautiful, beautiful best friend of my life:
You are the best book I have ever read, you are my favourite song to sing, you are the most beautiful dress I have ever, ever seen and the most spectacular fireworks in the sky. My dear Very, you taught us all how to stay curious and to always believe in the universe and all it’s magic. You, Very, are the book I never want to stop reading and the song I never want to stop singing.
Very: firefly, dreamer, creative and breeze dancer I love you.
Don’t be a stranger,
Your Olly
My only hope here after reading these letters is that you will create an opportunity for yourself to sit down quietly and think of all the memories of your Mum or Dad or friend, or son or daughter or Grandparent or wife or husband and know that you have this amazing opportunity to deeply express your love to them through the written word.
